So, I probably have ADD. Thus explaining my inability to sit through meetings and various other detrimental distractibility-related issues, and explaining why I barely graduated from high school and totally failured at making it through college. There is apparently a non-hyperactive form of ADD, and that's what I have, and why it wasn't noticed before.

They're giving me Strattera, and - wow. OK, my brain stopped endlessly churning. When I see my face in the mirror I see a face instead of a mishmash of random details that don't look right. I can sit through a meeting without wanting to stab myself in the eye. When people talk to me about something I'm not expecting I can understand them the first time, instead of asking them to start over a few sentences in. If I get interrupted I can go back to what I was working on without losing my place. I wake up in the morning instantly instead of groggily. Still have yet to see whether it'll help with my planning and juggling abilities, but I'm really hopeful.

If this all works out I'm going to seriously regret not knowing about it 15 years ago, when it would have maybe meant I could have gone to an awesome college. I had the highest SAT score in my graduating class at City Honors, but couldn't make it in structured settings.

I used to think I was lazy, but I do so much stuff - I just do the wrong things, and can't aim my mind where I want it. Despite many years of fighting it, reading self help books, working with counselors on planning skills. And so. It's going to be nice not hating myself in the future if it works. I'm trying not to get too excited yet, just in case. Still: hope - it's nice.